cause as you said, the world's just about me and my mojitos.

and through these glass elements,
i will rid these problems,
one by one...

Sunday, May 27, 2007

=The Litmus Test; part II=

Song ringing in my head:
-play mode set on shuffle-
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
n/a

the test begins.
good luck marcus.

Marc=) is ~~thinking of how can he make you happier~~ confident that we'll get there; someday... at 21:33
------

=The Litmus Test=

Song ringing in my head:
Luka from the album Retrospective: The Best of Suzanne Vega by Suzanne Vega
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
n/a

My name is ~~Luka~~ Marcus
I live on the second floor
I live upstairs from you
Yes I think you've seen me before

If you hear something late at night
Some kind of trouble. some kind of fight
Just don't ask me what it was
Just don't ask me what it was
Just don't ask me what it was

I think it's because I'm clumsy
I try not to talk too loud
Maybe it's because I'm crazy
I try not to act too proud

They only hit until you cry
And after that you don't ask why
You just don't argue anymore
You just don't argue anymore
You just don't argue anymore

Yes I think I'm okay
I walked into the door again
Well, if you ask that's what I'll say
And it's not your business anyway
I guess I'd like to be alone
With nothing broken, nothing thrown

My upcoming schedule doesn't look too good.
Who says life is better after evaluation?

What is it I'm feeling now?
Am I ready to go through the test again?
The answer will most probably be accurate, but am I sure that I want to go through this?
I don't have much choice anyway.

Have I been involved in too many things?
Boris is right; one can't sit on too many chairs; the only one will suffer is me.
I guess it's time to be focused on what I've to do, and what're my priorities.
Somethings have to be sacrificed.

Marc=) is ~~thinking of how can he make you happier~~ confident that we'll get there; someday... at 01:48
------
Thursday, May 17, 2007

=The Flair=

Song ringing in my head:
A Little Respect from the album Hits: The Very Best of Erasure by Erasure
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
Flaming Lamborghini

I try to discover
A little something to make me sweeter
Oh baby refrain from breaking my heart
Im so in love with you
I'll be forever blue
That you give me no reason
Why you're making me work so hard

That you give me no
That you give me no
That you give me no
That you give me no

And if I should falter
Would you open your arms out to me
We can make love not war
And live at peace in our hearts
I'm so in love with you
I'll be forever blue
What religion or reason
Could drive a man to forsake his lover

Dont you tell me no
Dont you tell me no
Dont you tell me no
Dont you tell me no

I'm so in love with you
I'll be forever blue
That you give me no reason
You know you're making me work so hard

That you give me no
That you give me no
That you give me no
That you give me no

Soul, I hear you calling
Oh baby please give a little respect to me

Oh, who might you be?
Where are you from?
Are you someone younger? Someone older?
Whatever it is, I'm just ~~jealous~~ envious that you're able to perform moves that are much better.
Despite attending as much sessions as I could, what you did made my efforts seem nothing.
I don't know how I should be feeling...

Marc=) is ~~thinking of how can he make you happier~~ confident that we'll get there; someday... at 05:10
------
Tuesday, May 15, 2007

=The Repercussions; Part II=

Song ringing in my head:
-play mode set on shuffle-
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
n/a

have i underestimated again?
things don't seem that easy afterall.
is it because i'm not current?
is it because i've lost my skills?
did i have any in the first place?

seems that i'm not concentrating properly either
strings untied everywhere
i want to ~~get back my old self~~ surpass my old self
this is not me at all
so not me at all

Marc=) is ~~thinking of how can he make you happier~~ confident that we'll get there; someday... at 23:32
------

=The Repercussions=

Song ringing in my head:
-play mode set on shuffle-
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
n/a

now that you've got what you wanted, what's next?
does it really make a difference?

Marc=) is ~~thinking of how can he make you happier~~ confident that we'll get there; someday... at 09:09
------
Wednesday, May 09, 2007

=The Twilight's Chapter Seven=

Song ringing in my head:
-play mode set on shuffle-
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
n/a

irritating.
I'm not sure what's gone wrong with Blogger but it seems that posting format has changed against my favour.
If you take a closer look, the time is 0443. Yes, it's AM, not PM. Bloody hell 99% of you would probably be asleep by now. And yet why the hell am I here and not sleeping?
1) My clock has been tweaked, so i'm just like a nocturnal animal, sleeping in the day and wild in the night
2) I thought penning these thoughts here would allow me to sleep peacefully.

It has been a while since I last updated, and yes, there has been ups and downs during this period. I hope what I write in the following will be ok, cause I'm bloody hungry now. And of course, I hope by the end of the entry I get sleepy and eventually get a normal sleep.

Now back to what I was saying...
Overall, everything was OK i guess. (OK's a lazy description because I'm hungry and thus lazy to find a better substitution.)

My work's great.
I love my job. I like my boss. However, I guess the most important of all is the people you work with. I really don't know what you guys really want at times. I don't know whether helping and not helping is the right thing to do. We all have our own job scope to do, and the lines between different appointments can get very thin at times. Being new in my appointment means that I can get rather unfamilar with the ropes at times. One thing is because I haven't exactly gone through the proper training for this. And if you keep your mouth shut, don't give me a bloody black face just because I haven't been helping you. From what I know, that isn't what I'm supposed to do. And I just doing it out of GOODWILL, I don't owe you a living so don't give me that treatment. Oh well, the people are going change soon, I just pray that I get easier people that I can work with.

People have been telling me that I'm quite lucky cause I don't have to go outfield and stuff, but that's not totally true(I believe only a few of us know what's the truth). I get pretty upset when people tell me this kind of things because it isn't really my choice whether I want to go or not. It's because I CAN'T go. I already feel bad enough being left out in this sense, everybody going out to give in their best. I feel like I'm those people, unable to compete in the team, I guess I know how they were going through, and yes I'm feeling what they were feeling, if not worse. Another thing that I regretted is probably why I'm not good enough. Yan Liang got chosen as the Bn ****, not me probably cause he scored the best amongst us in the course. If I've worked abit harder probably I would get the chance to go to. And sometimes its even more infuriating when people WHO ALSO DON'T GET TO GO OUTFIELD say,"Eh! Why you never go outfield. Chao geng ah." When they themselves don't even come close to contributing anything except talking nonsense. Please don't be mistaken that I like going outfield. It's just that I want to be with there with the team. Quoting Black Hawk Down, one of the Delta Force members said(rephrased), "People don't understand why I do this[going to war]. They ask, Are you some kind of war junkie? You like this kinda things? However, I never say a word. Why? Cause they WILL NEVER understand. Why are we doing this? We do it for our friends. For our loved ones. For the people fighting along side with us." I want to go out there, likewise, because friends whom I've gone through shit together with are out there. Well, since it's all over, I shall give this chapter a close.

Thanks to the people who stood by me all these while. YL, you've been a great friend all these while, going through exactly what I've gone through. We know what's actually going on, because we're in it together. It's such a pity that we've been unable to work together peacefully, cause I can't tolerate working in the same manner. However, I will try my best to close this gap and hopefully things would be better. I'm not afraid to say this aloud, because there is nothing to hide from you. It's just weird to say these right in your face. It's not easy for anyone to change in an instant.

For you, I'm kinda disappointed, because all these while I've been treating you like a real friend. However it seems to me that I'm being made used of, and with all my wisdom I deduce that it is very undesirable of me to let you continue doing so. Thanks for that behaviour, because it lets me know and reminds me constantly that I should treasure my true friends always, and that true friends are hard to find.

I don't if it's good; but to put it nicely, it's being frank, to make it look bad, it's backstabbing. Well, maybe no more of it. I'm usually frank to a person cause I don't like to keep things within me. However, I feel these days what goes around comes around.

Hypocripsy seems to be popular choice. Much as I detest it, I feel that now it has become more of a survival tool.

I sense an evolution ahead for myself.
The heat is up and things are getting challenging.
To quote myself in a previous entry:
If you can't take the heat, don't play the game.
Let's see how things go, shall we?

Time to sleep.

Marc=) is ~~thinking of how can he make you happier~~ confident that we'll get there; someday... at 04:31
------
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