cause as you said, the world's just about me and my mojitos.

and through these glass elements,
i will rid these problems,
one by one...

Saturday, June 30, 2007

=The Litmus Test; part XIV: The Devil's Advocate=

Song ringing in my head:
-play mode set on shuffle-
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
n/a

i feel like i'm being made use of
and that sucks
it's the worst feeling you can ever get
much as i want to help you
you're not helping yourself
maybe it's time to sit down and rethink

oh
so are you the other player that they mentioned about?
maybe i shouldn't look at things on the surface
no hurry though, i shall take my time
probably even to discover things that I don't even know about myself
we shall see, we shall see...

Marc=) is ~~thinking of how can he make you happier~~ confident that we'll get there; someday... at 16:40
------
Thursday, June 28, 2007

=The Litmus Test; part XIII: The Explanation=

Song ringing in my head:
I Think God Can Explain from the album Halfway Down The Sky by Splender
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
n/a

There's a lot of things I understand
And there's a lot of things that I don't want to know
But you're the only face I recognize
It's so damn sweet of you to look me in the eyes

The scent of vaseline in the summertime
The feel of an ice cube melting over time
The world seems bigger than both of us
Yet it seems so small when I begin to cry

I'm so much better than you guessed
I'm so much bigger than you guessed
I'm so much brighter than you guessed

It's alright, I'm ok
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away
It's alright, I'm ok
I think God can explain
I'm relieved, I'm relaxed
I'll get over it in the end

Really?
So is this why I'm feeling this way?
So is this how it's gonna end up?
I really don't know.
All I know is I don't want to fall in the same trap I did.
Because if I do so, the result will be the same?
I'm sorry.
You didn't have to say or to do anything,
it just felt that I was in the wrong immediately.
I'm wanting your forgiveness.

[edit: 2334hrs] but maybe, you didn't even give a damn.

Marc=) is ~~thinking of how can he make you happier~~ confident that we'll get there; someday... at 23:19
------
Tuesday, June 26, 2007

=The Litmus Test; part XII: The Return=

Song ringing in my head:
-play mode set on shuffle-
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
n/a

i don't need to get qualified so fast
i just want a qualification to be an understudy
although i know that will mean to me being scolded, nagged at etc. etc.
well, at least i know i will achieve a level that not many people are able to
i'm waiting patiently (as least i'm trying to)
i'll wait, for the sign.

Marc=) is ~~thinking of how can he make you happier~~ confident that we'll get there; someday... at 00:27
------
Sunday, June 24, 2007

=The Litmus Test; part XI: The Stairways=

Song ringing in my head:
-play mode set on shuffle-
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
n/a

i feel like giving up
honestly
it's insane
hearing things that don't make sense
marcus you just got owned.

Marc=) is ~~thinking of how can he make you happier~~ confident that we'll get there; someday... at 23:12
------
Thursday, June 21, 2007

=The Litmus Test; part X: The Assumptions=

Song ringing in my head:
-play mode set on shuffle-
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
n/a

every great theory always has its own assumptions
are my assumptions right?
what if i'm wrong?
what if....
what if....
assuming that what if...
based on the assumption that what if...

Marc=) is ~~thinking of how can he make you happier~~ confident that we'll get there; someday... at 23:03
------
Wednesday, June 20, 2007

=The Litmus Test; part IX: The Reversi=

Song ringing in my head:
-play mode set on shuffle-
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
n/a

what's happening?
how could the reagent become the reactant?
damn. this is making me seem damn unprepared.
ok cause maybe i'm.
this is not very fun. yet so fun.

the tables are turned against me.
i thought i was the one with the advantage.
so i was the disadvantaged one afterall eh?
so seniority does play a part after all...
nevermind
all we've got to do is focus

warm the tubes and get the momentum going
we're doing great.

Marc=) is ~~thinking of how can he make you happier~~ confident that we'll get there; someday... at 21:45
------
Friday, June 15, 2007

=The Litmus Test; part VIII: The Reality=

Song ringing in my head:
Bizarre Love Triangle from the album The Best of New Order by New Order
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
n/a

Things that we don't like to do, we've to do it still.
As much as we don't like, we may choose to chuck it aside, ignore it, dream, but at the end of the day, nothing gets done, and we still don't have a choice.
Can I just ignore everything?

Why can't we be ourselves like we were ~~yesterday~~ 2 days ago?

Marc=) is ~~thinking of how can he make you happier~~ confident that we'll get there; someday... at 21:51
------
Thursday, June 14, 2007

=The Litmus Test; part VII: The Long Lost Feeling=

Song ringing in my head:
Bizarre Love Triangle from the album The Best of New Order by New Order
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
Bacardi lime

Every time I think of you
I feel shot right through with a bolt of blue
Its no problem of mine
But it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind
But there's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of the fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
Well every day my confusion grows

I feel fine and I feel good
I'm feeling like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just dont know what to say
Why cant we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I dont think youre what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what were meant to be

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can't say

an all too perfect day?
is it possible? or did i leave out something somewhere?

Marc=) is ~~thinking of how can he make you happier~~ confident that we'll get there; someday... at 21:40
------
Thursday, June 07, 2007

=The Litmus Test; part V: The Denial=

Song ringing in my head:
-play mode set on shuffle-
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
n/a

they say change is constant
they say change is necessary
they say change is good
change is part of society, no one can deny that
I haven't been to Chinatown for quite some time(I used to frequent there alot during psch days), but if I were to go there now, I bet I wouldn't have known I've even step foot in Chinatown
Is this what we really want?
Are we fighting a losing battle; holding on to things that may not exist anymore?
Don't think so much
Remember the way things are now, because they may not be the same anymore
Remember who ~~I'm~~ I was, because I may not be the same Marcus you have known before

Why do things happen this way?
Is it because it's meant to?
Is there a greater meaning behind all this?
Sometimes we just want the things that we don't have but others have.

As I walked down the stairs, I gently rang the windchime.

Marc=) is ~~thinking of how can he make you happier~~ confident that we'll get there; someday... at 23:55
------

=The Litmus Test; part VI: The Subconsciousness=

Song ringing in my head:
-play mode set on shuffle-
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
n/a

Everyone feels despondent at times and you are no exception. You are feeling so depressed because it seems that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and you don't quite know which way to turn. So like the proverbial ostrich you are trying to bury your head in the sand. But that won't work - you have to face reality.

You need an atmosphere of peace and quiet and you would like to share a bond of understanding with the 'right person' - you have the belief that with the right person, your stress and anxiety could be minimised.

You are confined and trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way out. Whatever you seem to do to resolve the problem hasn't worked out. Fortunately you are able to gain some aspect of relief from someone close to you.

Recently everything seems to have gone wrong and so you are experiencing considerable stress and anxiety due to mental conflict. A continuous case of 'Should I?' or 'Shouldn't I?'. At this particular moment in time you feel as if you have reached the end of your tether and it seems impossible to ever rectify the situation and so you have decided, perhaps quite unrealistically, to postpone making any further decisions. Disappointment and unfulfilled hopes have given rise to despondency. This conflict between hope and necessity is creating considerable pressure. Instead of resolving this by facing up to making the essential decision, you are likely to immerse yourself in the pursuit of trivialities as an escape route.

The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are beyond your capabilities, or your reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal inadequacy. Your inability to take control of the situation causes you to over-react in stubborn defiance blaming everyone but yourself for your own failures.

-080607 2257hrs

You are striving for a life full of activity and experience and, perhaps even more, an environment where you would be able to forge a close bond with a person who can offer full emotional fulfilment.

You are totally dissatisfied with your present situation. Matters are not going right for you and you are seeking a means of escape. Your mental state of mind necessitates that you need to change your thinking patterns. Remember, if one particular modus operandi doesn't seem to work, then try something different.

You are a perfectionist in everything that you put your hand to. You are demanding and very exacting in the standards you apply to your choice of colleagues and friends -perhaps you demand too much from people. That perfection you seek in a particular person is illusive - perhaps it does not even exist.

Nobody seems to understand you at this moment for everything you suggest or do seems to be taken up the wrong way. All of this misunderstanding is leading to anxiety and stress. The situation naturally is not as you would like it to be - you feel that you are being treated most unfairly and that trust, affection and understanding are being withheld from you and that you are being treated with a demeaning lack of consideration. You consider yourself being denied the appreciation essential to your well being and self-esteem and that there is nothing you can do about it. You feel that whatever you try to do to change the situation, you are getting nowhere fast. You would really like to get away from it all but can't find the energy or the strength of mind to make the necessary decision.

The tensions that you are trying to cope with are a result of conditions which are really beyond your control. As a consequence of this almost impossible situation and not being able to get your own way, you are subjected to frustration and almost ungovernable anger. You are trying to remedy the situation but the stress that you are experiencing is making the situation even worse. You feel so inadequate that you are not quite sure which way to turn. A good suggestion would to be to try to relieve the stress and anxiety by participating in some very active physical activity which will relieve your tension.

-080607 2301hrs

Marc=) is ~~thinking of how can he make you happier~~ confident that we'll get there; someday... at 23:54
------
Wednesday, June 06, 2007

=The Litmus Test; part IV=

Song ringing in my head:
-play mode set on shuffle-
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
n/a

you will squeeze the life out of me...

Marc=) is ~~thinking of how can he make you happier~~ confident that we'll get there; someday... at 23:28
------

=The Litmus Test; part III=

Song ringing in my head:
-play mode set on shuffle-
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
n/a

The result is expected, yet so unexpected.
I don't know if I should feel happy, or feel sad.
It feels right, yet it feels so wrong.
Like I'm being torn into two.

So is this it?
Have I been made use of?
Maybe Daddy's right all this while.
Sometimes, things in this world are so weird.
You may know what you're doing is wrong, but yet sometimes, we still insist on doing it.
Why?

I just wanna get unstuck in time.

Marc=) is ~~thinking of how can he make you happier~~ confident that we'll get there; someday... at 22:42
------
archive

identity

links

tagboard