IDENTITY
Marc=)
Canoeist since 2000
Ex-HCJC(or HCI for that matter)
04S69
Singapore
COPYRIGHT © MATCHSTIX06
Marc=)
Canoeist since 2000
Ex-HCJC(or HCI for that matter)
04S69
Singapore
COPYRIGHT © MATCHSTIX06
=The End Is Just Another Beginning; Part IX: The Perfect Getaway ; Part XXIII: The Early Winter=
LSS:
Craving for the random songs by VH1 MTV Music Channel (I want to watch. ): )
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
Home-made Mojito
Shutter count: 12270 (as of last count, unable to obtain reading at this point of time)
Markus is It's the last week of spring cleaning, but I still can't bear to let go of certain things.
I still remember the 1st time that I've met you.
I still remember it was the 1st time that I've eaten at the restaurant Brazil in 6th avenue.
I still remember the (:s you put in your SMSes.
I still remember the taxi river stopped at the petrol kiosk for a toilet break.
I still remember we arrived fasionably late at Shing's place.
I still remember we had to squeeze in the back of Shing Dad's car with 2 other people.
I still remember it was a long queue at Zouk.
I still remember you said that Shing's white M600i was nicer than my black one.
I still remember that I was made to buy a jug of Long Island Tea because apparently I caused everyone to be late, and it was no longer 1-for-1.
I still remember Ngiam said something which offended you.
I still remember what Shing said about you drinking the Long Island Tea, "Eh relax la don't drink so much the night is still young!"
I still remember Shing nudged me to bring you to Velvet Underground for a drink.
I still remember you used my drink coupons to order a whiskey dry.
I still remember you asked if you could try my lychee martini, and I let you finish it.
I still remember you were saying you abit CMI already whilst walking back to Zouk.
I still remember the last song that played at Zouk that night was World, Hold On by Bob Sinclair and we were sitting near the Member's Area / Baggage Deposit
I still remember complaining to you I couldn't help but fall asleep in lessons at SMI the following day.
I still remember you saying you were ): when you knew I was going to Taiwan for 17 days.
I still remember giving you my 1st overseas call, and how dejected I felt wen I heard your "sian" voice, caused apparently you got waken up by my call.
I still remember how we used to walk everywhere, enjoying your company when you still haven't had a car.
I still remember I purposely shifted my driving lesson to your test date so that I could meet you, even though that made me late for my Graduation Ceremony later that day.
I still remember you got lost when you took 178 instead of 187, and you were so afraid of the dogs you met on the way.
I still remember I was awkwardly explaining to my Dad to pick you when you were lost.
I still remember how you didn't mind waiting for me while I took my test.
I still remember I asked you on the MRT between Bukit Batok MRT and Jurong East MRT, if you wanted me to come to NTU or NUS.
I sill remember how you gave me the courage to slip my hand into yours.
I still remember waiting for you at the taxi stand for your Dad.
I still remember how we met everyday of the week
I still remember when we were doing the mambo moves at the bus-stop.
I still remember the way our eyes met and stared deep into each other, and how we exchanged our first kiss.
I still remember the song Love Hurts by Incubus was on repeat while we hugged each other.
I still remember...
Look at how the way things are now; what has changed?
Is it the way you feel towards me?
Is it the trust?
Or is it just because you drive now?
=The End Is Just Another Beginning; Part VIII: The Perfect Getaway ; Part XXII: Quatre Cent=
LSS:
Craving for the random songs by VH1 MTV Music Channel (I want to watch. ): )
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
Home-made Mojito
Shutter count: 12270
Relax
There is an answer to the darkest times.
It’s clear we don’t understand but the last thing on my mind
Is to leave you.
I believe that we’re in this together.
Don’t scream – there are so many roads left.
There is an answer to the darkest times.
It’s clear we don’t understand but the last thing on my mind
Is to leave you.
I believe that we’re in this together.
Don’t scream – there are so many roads left.
=The End Is Just Another Beginning; Part VI: The Perfect Getaway ; Part XX: The Real Me / The Need For An Absolute Conscience=
LSS:
Craving for the random songs by VH1 MTV Music Channel (I want to watch. ): )
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
Home-made Mojito
Shutter count: 12229
Human felicity is produc'd not so much by great Pieces of good Fortune that seldom happen, as by little Advantages that occur every day.
- Benjamin Franklin
Freshest update on the previous entry
Although I broke the cold turkey, less than the previous result,
I'm glad to announce that it's not much of a bad feeling!
Hooray!
As above,
I think the key to success on this is not to expect a sudden disappearance of bad feelings.
It takes time, and if you're impatient, you'll only be disappointed in the end.
Okie, I will wait patiently everyday!
As expected, you're happy. So am I.
Maybe I've only have myself to blame.
Should have known, and should have acted before things gone wrong.
Listen to your heart?
Listen to your mind.
And as NG mentioned, it's important to raise self-importance.
Just leave the rest alone, touch them at your own risk.
Tired tired. Don't know if I can be another tour guide.
Time to start on my readings.
[afternote: actually it's times like this that I fear the worse. So what's the true meaning of 'risk' and 'security'?]
[updated 0234hrs] i think there's no need for worry. for my conscience is clear.
as long my conscience is clear, i've no fear for anything, even though it might not be the intended results
i stopped
wanted to make it all right again
but then thinking of the things that were said and done...
fight for the right things, not the wrong.
=The End Is Just Another Beginning; Part V: The Perfect Getaway ; Part XVIV: The Three Selves: Me, Myself & I=
LSS:
Craving for the random songs by VH1 MTV Music Channel (I want to watch. ): )
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
Bailey's with Latte
Shutter count: 11756
I'm so tempted to check again.
I really want to see how long I can resist it.
And I really want to know why act as if you care.
Because I know you don't.
If there's anything that I really really really detest, and this applies to everybody, I hate being lied to.
Seems like everything were lies and deceit.
I didn't really study much
It was procrastination, procrastination, procrastination.
Doing useless stuff again.
I really hope I can pull through this.
But I can't keep depending on luck
and doesn't mean if I can win a race comfortably, I have to give others a headstart
And now this reminds me, I hate people who cheat
Can't express how much I despise you people
It's all right, cheat all you want
I like laughing at people who cheat but still score lower marks
NG's lessons again today.
Pity she only has 3 lessons to give
It was interesting, as she talked about the three selves, which I could relate very well to.
Real me.
Public me.
Ideal me.
Fortunately I've a some sort of a clear picture of what I want for an ideal me.
Unfortunately the real me is far from being the ideal me, much as I've been talking about it for ages. I wonder whether I will ever reach the ideal me, and if so, how long?
And the public me. How do people think of me?
Caffine really numbs the pain...
=The End Is Just Another Beginning; Part IV: The Perfect Getaway ; Part XVIII: The Count=
LSS:
Craving for the random songs by VH1 MTV Music Channel (I want to watch. ): )
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
Moet & Chandon Series
Shutter count: 11756
"In Las Vegas, I can be, whoever I want to be."
Whew, the world's just span past me, seeing the sun rise and set as if I've stayed here for a year already. And I'm definitely dreading returning back to Singapore. And how do I compensate for this? Busy snapping away on Le Dreamweaver, hoping to freeze and capture moments of the happy times before they're long gone away. But as photographer Sheralyn mentions, sometimes in the process of doing so we forget or neglect to enjoy the moment itself and the self capturing mechanism in within ourselves, memories kept in the heart.
Sometimes in life too, we tend to neglect the bigger picture. I believe I have already moved on to a bigger picture, but as big as it seems, there's always something bigger. How do you know? Watching CNN and BBC shows people suffering in Myanmar in the aftermath of the cyclone, school children trapped in a school after a 7.8 ritcher scale earthquake, and the civil wars in Eastern Congo where women get raped to the extent where the word rape cannot be used to describe the situation. However then, why are we still so myopic? Deciding what's the next Louis Vuitton bag to buy? Deciding on what to wear to dress to kill at Zouk tonight?
On the other hand, we cannot blame each other. We should not be judgmental. Because what's right to one person may be wrong to the other. But what gives a person to say this is right, and this is wrong?
Sometimes it just takes a single event to make a 180 degrees turn in your life. Just like Tony Starks, who initially thought he was the advocator of peace by churning out edge-cutting weapon technologies. His thinking changed, when he was at the very heart of the battle, witnessing first-hand the very weapons he created, used on the people he created the weapons for.
And why is Markus thinking so much? Because at age 21, it's a time for you to reflect on your life, so says Dr F.
Funny to see you thinking to yourself how pretty you are. As pretty as you may be, there's somebody else prettier than you.
And yet why am I lamenting so much when I've an exam tomorrow and I've not yet touched one bit of my notes. Hmmmm...
[edit 2300hrs] I can't believe I broke the abstinence. HOW COULD I? apparently my will is not strong enough. it's ok; step-by-step. it may be a week now, maybe it would be a month the next, following a year. and before i know it? none. sounds perfect. ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS. MARKUS, ALL THE WAY!
[edit 2337hrs] Pity JN doesn't look as pretty as she does on the posters. ): Maybe KK would be a better choice? Arghs, if only looks would kill, I would have died a million times over.
=The End Is Just Another Beginning; Part III: The Perfect Getaway ; Part XVII: When The Inhibitions Are Removed=
LSS:
Craving for the random songs by VH1 MTV Music Channel (I want to watch. ): )
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
H2O will just do for now
Shutter count: 11406
With the help of C2H5OH, I was able to let my true feelings out more easily
But of course not even near beyond any limits
What I really felt, all the pain, misery that I've kept inside
I've let it out before, in the hope that I'll see some improvements, but I guess it was all in vain
The conclusion for the night?
The law of the conservation of energy. Energy can neither be created, not destroyed.
If you're not the one, don't despair and don't be jealous, just keep moving on.
First lesson on the mind today. Professor(soon-to-be) NG's pretty, and R was intending to ask her out for coffee. Yeah right just for coffee I'm sure you idiot you better not let your wife know abt this hahahaha.
But what was being said is true,
Why do humans keep thinking of negative things, when they know that it is the positive ones that bring us joy?
Because negative things and experience will haunt us inevitably and they will come back so much more swiftly and easily than what we want to think.
And I believe, the mind can be more powerful and capable than the heart.
And no, you couldn't allay those fears, because simply you couldn't love me enough.
My heart will find its home, without anybody telling it what to do. It doesn't need anybody telling it what to do.
And so this may be the day when I'll break one of the laws of the universe; I'll fight these feelings.
=The End Is Just Another Beginning; Part II: The Perfect Getaway ; Part XVI: Fighting For The Wrong Reasons=
LSS:
Craving for the random songs by VH1 MTV Music Channel (I want to watch. ): )
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
Expresso (Hungary has pretty strong coffees...)
Shutter count: 11330
not really looking forward to going back home
because i don't really have any more reasons to
the food here is good
girls are pretty
i'm in a place where nobody recognises me
i'm in a kayak-canoe paradise
the only thing that makes me want to come home is probably chicken rice and my family/friends
when i go home i need to face problems
financial problems
school's gonna start
i don't even know if we'll ever talk again
just pure depressing
one of the professors mentioned that coaching was the greatest period in his life
something to look forward to?
I hate it when I keep moving back and forth
Why can't I just make up my mind and just stick with it
If I want to be cold-blooded, brutal and cruel why must I have a heart of compassion?
If I want to remain blinded by you, why am I seeking for the reasons?
Times like this make me wonder if we've crossed the point of no return.
Coach Joseph once told me this when I was still a fierce competitor. I remember it was during one competition where I had many back to back races. Even the best athelete can't fight the mechanisms of anaerobic production of ATP which inevitably produces lactic acid. I was so tired from all the races, and wanted to give up some to concentrate on a few in which I had a higher chance of winning. I requested for a substitute for me in the finals (I had already done the heats). He shook his head and told me this, "What you have started, you will finish it."
What I have started, I will finish it.
And all this time, have I been wrong? Am I the one who needs to say sorry?
And I remember CMH telling me this in JC, "Only say sorry, when you truly mean it".
=The End Is Just Another Beginning; Part I: The Perfect Getaway ; Part XV: The Death Sentence=
LSS:
Craving for the random songs by VH1 MTV Music Channel (I want to watch. ): )
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
Mojito (I don't know I think of all the mojitos I tasted mine's the best! xD )
Shutter count: 11330
It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness gets us both
I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know
If you don't know
Then you can't care
And I show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you
Built a wall around my heart
Never let it fall apart
Strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep
But we have not hit the ground
Doesn't mean we're not still falling, oh..
I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains
Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
Nothing last forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way
Sometimes, being the perfect lover just doesn't work out
From my observation, many people love to go overseas
And these people that I'm referring to, are mostly attached or even married.
Why do they like to go overseas?
Because they are able to get their "freedom"
They are able to chat any girl up, go out with them or even bed them
Yet, when they go back home, nothing happens, because their spouse wouldn't even know, and their relationship seems perfect.
I'm not saying I'm like that,
or I should behave like that when I'm single.
What I'm trying to say is, why am I not even close to such behaviour, yet look what happens to me?
Would things be better if I chat them up, have my own dose of fun and talk to my girlfriend/spouse as if NOTHING has happened?
It seems so this way.
(hey but it still doesn't mean I should behave this way)
Sometimes this makes me wonder, am I'm really that stupid,
sitting at home and moping over something,
when she doesn't even probably care.
Sometimes I ask myself,
What did I do to deserve this?
You might think, adultry or cheating might be the biggest crime.
Apparently, asking for more attention and concern IS the biggest crime of them all.
So why am I serving the death sentence?
I don't intend to publicise
Yet I'm so afraid of facing this alone
And I will think Grace will say,
you want her to be unhappy mehs?
(:
so if it makes you happy,
then why the hell are you so sad?
=The Law of The Universe; Part LXXV : The Perfect Getaway ; Part XIV: The 100USD note=
LSS:
Craving for the random songs by VH1 MTV Music Channel (I want to watch. ): )
Cocktail that I'm craving now:
Mojito (I don't know I think of all the mojitos I tasted mine's the best! xD )
Shutter count: 10952
It's funny how I'm looking at the back of this 100USD note I'm holding,
in god we trust
alcohol's not for downing sorrows
a glass of red wine a day keeps you healthy
caffine for numbing the pain
that's why it's on the doping list.
times when you feel like when you see a pretty girl,
and your friend nudges you to go chat her up
you're about to, but then this guy beats you to it
he doesn't succeed, and your friends ask you to try again
however, the result doesn't matter. because the feeling isn't the same any longer.
one day i'm going to wake up,
looking at the sun rays illuminating the room,
and i'm gonna shout out loud:
I've been here beforeOne This day I wake up
And it won't hurt anymore
You caught me in a lie
I have no alibi
The words you said don't have a meaning
Cause
I still don't have the reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If you ever gave a f*** about you and I
So this is...
Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference
It even makes a difference to try
And you tell me how you feelin
But I don't believe it's true anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry, oh no
So this is...